I don’t think it’s the walls that determine the dining room, it’s the table. My house has an open plan, I designated a zone as the dining room. I put my dining table room there. Weekly menus are posted in my kitchen. I find this helps me organize and stops family members from snacking on the ingredients. I don’t cook every day but every morning I set the table for dinner. I serve around 6 pm whether I cook or we have takeout we eat together at the table. Phones are forbidden and the TV is off.
It’s not the walls, it’s the expectation that make the dining room exist.
Wondefully stated and I agree. It's about making a space for communal meals and you seem to have found a way that works perfectly. Thank you for sharing your thoughs here.
Elliot, Good interesting perspective on what we miss by not having a dining room and the activities both in and around it. You sort of hit on another aspect that I think we all miss-- the commitment of each person's time and the togetherness. In our busy lives I think we not think about it, but miss that family time around the table.
We removed the doorway and most of the wall around it, but saved it as strictly a dining room. We are lucky enough to have a wonderful view looking from the kitchen through the dining room picture window to the City Park and Twin Peaks. The San Francisco fog sometimes lays across the park below us, that a Chinese friend called ‘The Dragon in Sleep!’. We still enjoy family meals with the Grandkids on special occasions, and Monopoly after dessert…..
My childhood home was small, with a dining room the same size as the living room. At dinners like in the picture we extended the dining room table with card tables, draped in white linen into the living room. The women cooked all day the day before baking and preping. The meal day started at dawn, cleaned up until midnight. Gatherings of family, friends, and strays with no other plans, were great. But, none of the women got up the next morning and went to work. Girl children were no excused to go play video games, we worked.
When I lived with friends before I got married, the kitchen table was the meeting place. After dinner we sat around and talked, our senior neighbors joined us. Some times we got a card game going. When one of us came home from a date, the boyfriend always joined the group. It was casual and among my fondest memories.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful memories of dining rooms and family gatherings. We do our best to keep the dining room busy a few times a year, although it frequently ends up as a makeshift library or workplace in between those celebrations. While I was planning to downsize the furniture a couple of years ago, my husband came home with a gorgeous (and enormous) antique china closet to display all of our accumulated heirlooms. I thought I wanted less, but I've grown to appreciate seeing all the family treasures on display. As it turns out, they provide plenty of stories to share when the extended family and friends are all at the table together. The people and the storytelling are the real gifts of the dining room.
Licensed design professional and former municipal building official chiming in here. “It [The Atlantic article] notes building codes that limit space and thus rooms dedicated to dining.” Bunk. Developers determined space and room layout based on what they think sells and makes them the most profit. Building codes determine minimum room size and ceiling height, door widths, light and ventilation, building exits, and the basic requirements for a dwelling being spaces for sleeping, cooking, and sanitation (bathroom). Building codes don’t preclude, limit, or determine the size or existence of a dining room, either as a separate room or part of a larger space.
Let’s hear it for the Dining Room. Another bit of Americana soon to be lost to a back corner exhibit at the Smithsonian. Sad.
I loved reading your memories of dining rooms past. Some of my favorite memories centered on dining with family and friends now gone. We are losing our sense of community and sharing food in favor of solo experiences. Am not convinced that the convenience is a fair exchange. As a young girl much of the cleaning and polishing and ironing before a holiday celebration was my job. Later I got to help cooking and baking. Enjoying the results with family and friends made it all worth the effort. Thank you for writing and sharing your gift.
Being considerably older than you, Elliot, certainly remember the dining room. Although during the depression and war years we moved a lot (as in I never went to the same school for whole year until high school) but we always had a dining room and a kitchen table where we ate breakfast. And yes the dining table was where we talked, something a lot of families rarely do anymore.
I am on the same page when it comes to a space to eat and talk together, share thoughts and ideas. And most importantly food in all its aspects. An Ode to the Dinner Table! Yes indeedy!
In my family home, there were 7, then 8 with grandpa and how ever many neighbor kids happened to be present when dinner was serviced. It could be up to 11 or 12. One just got out another leaf for the table.
My wife and I are anticipating the end of a room-by-room updating of our 1938 lodge style house in the woods, just in time to watch our only child leave for college (!?) We also had a formal dining room and elegant dining furniture that gradually became a mail stop and place for the cat to escape the dog. Everyone brought their dinner into the living room instead. With the remodel, we punched out central walls between the kitchen and adjacent rooms, installed headers and "end walls" to retain definition of the spaces. It allowed much more light to penetrate the center of the home, much easier movement through the space, added a kitchen buffet peninsula, but left defined zones intact; living, dining, kitchen, central utility space, hallways. We managed to incorporate a laundry closet and a walk-in pantry, significant new storage and other useful appointments while avoiding a significant re-design of the basic layout. Not cheap, mind you, but clearly worth it to us and future owners. This is house # five for me, so I've run the book on interior layouts. Hopefully this is the last! I love what happens at the dining room table AFTER the meal; lingering conversations, jigsaw puzzles, dominoes, scrabble, hot chocolate, cold drinks, sippin' whiskey, lots of chatter. Sadly, youngsters grow up and move out, families disburse across the country following careers, there are phases of life when it's hard to gather the big crowds around a single table.
As my husband and I are now the elders of our family I wish we had space in our downsized home for a large dining table. We now are a family of twelve and instead meet regularly at a restaurant and enjoy our family time and meal together. Our restaurant dinners last over 3 hours much to the grumblings of our youngest ones who wonder how we can talk for so long. LOL. Cherished times indeed!
Our home was built in 1899. We are the third owners, buying it in 1989. Our dining room was originally the Sunday parlor. The owners before us bought the house in the 1940’s. They reversed the staircase and opened up the parlor, making it into the dining room, open to the living room. The original dining room was turned into a bedroom. We keep our dining room table set with placemats and napkins. It is an integral part of our lives, as well as our living space. I was raised in a two-bedroom, one bath brick house my parents built in the early 1950’s. Half of the house was a formal living room and dining room. We only ate in the room during the holidays. We crammed into the kitchen to eat at a table that took up half the room. I have fond memories, but I swore that when I had my own home, we would have a dining room and living room that we would use everyday. Every square foot of this house is dedicated to living out our best lives within these four walls.
Isn’t a dining room a state of mind more than anything? We renovated our home just about ten years ago…totally gutted it’s 1930’s-self. The “great room” (30’x30’) houses the kitchen with an island, dining room table, and two separate sitting areas. We gather around the table and talk, (no tv on—a no-no growing up) we linger at the table sipping wine with more conversation, maybe some background music, no phones. After all, everyone always ended up in the kitchen when company was over! So this way, they can be “in the kitchen” without being in the way! 😂
We had an unfunctional kitchen with an eat in area not large enough for the 5 of us, and a tight dining room. I did open the wall up but because of way the ceiling was (goes from 10 feet down to 8) the dining room is still a distinct space. This enabled us to put in a table that more comfortably fit all of us, make the kitchen more functional and have an island with bar stools. What I didn’t like most about having the kitchen cut off was either I’d be cut off from the activity or everyone would gather in my small unfuntional space to talk while I cooked, making it even harder to use. It was hard to even have my kids involved and learning to cook with me… now if we have guests or it’s just us, I can cook alone or with others, still be involved in the conversation and then all sit down to the large enough table together… I do value the dining table and socializing around food. The previous design made both unsuccessful, the right design made both more enjoyable
It sounds like you made the perfect choice Emily. And made it more of a dining room feeling in ways that better used the space. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.
This article touched me. As an OG GenXer memories of the people who are gone now can be conjured by thinking about the dining tables around which we gathered. Especially at parents’ house, my aunts house and my grandparents’. Not all the memories are great - I was the kid who spilled gravy on aunt Dottie’s lace tablecloth - but it brings all of them back to life when I visualize those tables.
I grew up in a house that did not have a dining room. Christmas dinner was in our basement where we had a pull out dining table. The big deal was if you were at the “kids’ table” or not.
After marriage , we had a townhouse and then a standard house. Both had dining rooms. They got use 1-2 times a year. A waste of space.
Our current house had a dining room and formal living room. Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas, they get no traffic.
Our new house has a combo kitchen/dining room area. Much more practical!
The bigger question is less about the room and when do you get with others. We’ve started organizing evening outs to restaurants for neighborhood couples. Lots of fun.
I don’t think it’s the walls that determine the dining room, it’s the table. My house has an open plan, I designated a zone as the dining room. I put my dining table room there. Weekly menus are posted in my kitchen. I find this helps me organize and stops family members from snacking on the ingredients. I don’t cook every day but every morning I set the table for dinner. I serve around 6 pm whether I cook or we have takeout we eat together at the table. Phones are forbidden and the TV is off.
It’s not the walls, it’s the expectation that make the dining room exist.
Wondefully stated and I agree. It's about making a space for communal meals and you seem to have found a way that works perfectly. Thank you for sharing your thoughs here.
I read this after posting my comment…kindred spirits!
Elliot, Good interesting perspective on what we miss by not having a dining room and the activities both in and around it. You sort of hit on another aspect that I think we all miss-- the commitment of each person's time and the togetherness. In our busy lives I think we not think about it, but miss that family time around the table.
YES.
We removed the doorway and most of the wall around it, but saved it as strictly a dining room. We are lucky enough to have a wonderful view looking from the kitchen through the dining room picture window to the City Park and Twin Peaks. The San Francisco fog sometimes lays across the park below us, that a Chinese friend called ‘The Dragon in Sleep!’. We still enjoy family meals with the Grandkids on special occasions, and Monopoly after dessert…..
It's a lovely view in welcoming space, I can attest.
My childhood home was small, with a dining room the same size as the living room. At dinners like in the picture we extended the dining room table with card tables, draped in white linen into the living room. The women cooked all day the day before baking and preping. The meal day started at dawn, cleaned up until midnight. Gatherings of family, friends, and strays with no other plans, were great. But, none of the women got up the next morning and went to work. Girl children were no excused to go play video games, we worked.
When I lived with friends before I got married, the kitchen table was the meeting place. After dinner we sat around and talked, our senior neighbors joined us. Some times we got a card game going. When one of us came home from a date, the boyfriend always joined the group. It was casual and among my fondest memories.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful memories of dining rooms and family gatherings. We do our best to keep the dining room busy a few times a year, although it frequently ends up as a makeshift library or workplace in between those celebrations. While I was planning to downsize the furniture a couple of years ago, my husband came home with a gorgeous (and enormous) antique china closet to display all of our accumulated heirlooms. I thought I wanted less, but I've grown to appreciate seeing all the family treasures on display. As it turns out, they provide plenty of stories to share when the extended family and friends are all at the table together. The people and the storytelling are the real gifts of the dining room.
YES. Thank you
Licensed design professional and former municipal building official chiming in here. “It [The Atlantic article] notes building codes that limit space and thus rooms dedicated to dining.” Bunk. Developers determined space and room layout based on what they think sells and makes them the most profit. Building codes determine minimum room size and ceiling height, door widths, light and ventilation, building exits, and the basic requirements for a dwelling being spaces for sleeping, cooking, and sanitation (bathroom). Building codes don’t preclude, limit, or determine the size or existence of a dining room, either as a separate room or part of a larger space.
Let’s hear it for the Dining Room. Another bit of Americana soon to be lost to a back corner exhibit at the Smithsonian. Sad.
I loved reading your memories of dining rooms past. Some of my favorite memories centered on dining with family and friends now gone. We are losing our sense of community and sharing food in favor of solo experiences. Am not convinced that the convenience is a fair exchange. As a young girl much of the cleaning and polishing and ironing before a holiday celebration was my job. Later I got to help cooking and baking. Enjoying the results with family and friends made it all worth the effort. Thank you for writing and sharing your gift.
And thank you for sharing your memories and perspective.
Being considerably older than you, Elliot, certainly remember the dining room. Although during the depression and war years we moved a lot (as in I never went to the same school for whole year until high school) but we always had a dining room and a kitchen table where we ate breakfast. And yes the dining table was where we talked, something a lot of families rarely do anymore.
I am on the same page when it comes to a space to eat and talk together, share thoughts and ideas. And most importantly food in all its aspects. An Ode to the Dinner Table! Yes indeedy!
In my family home, there were 7, then 8 with grandpa and how ever many neighbor kids happened to be present when dinner was serviced. It could be up to 11 or 12. One just got out another leaf for the table.
My wife and I are anticipating the end of a room-by-room updating of our 1938 lodge style house in the woods, just in time to watch our only child leave for college (!?) We also had a formal dining room and elegant dining furniture that gradually became a mail stop and place for the cat to escape the dog. Everyone brought their dinner into the living room instead. With the remodel, we punched out central walls between the kitchen and adjacent rooms, installed headers and "end walls" to retain definition of the spaces. It allowed much more light to penetrate the center of the home, much easier movement through the space, added a kitchen buffet peninsula, but left defined zones intact; living, dining, kitchen, central utility space, hallways. We managed to incorporate a laundry closet and a walk-in pantry, significant new storage and other useful appointments while avoiding a significant re-design of the basic layout. Not cheap, mind you, but clearly worth it to us and future owners. This is house # five for me, so I've run the book on interior layouts. Hopefully this is the last! I love what happens at the dining room table AFTER the meal; lingering conversations, jigsaw puzzles, dominoes, scrabble, hot chocolate, cold drinks, sippin' whiskey, lots of chatter. Sadly, youngsters grow up and move out, families disburse across the country following careers, there are phases of life when it's hard to gather the big crowds around a single table.
As my husband and I are now the elders of our family I wish we had space in our downsized home for a large dining table. We now are a family of twelve and instead meet regularly at a restaurant and enjoy our family time and meal together. Our restaurant dinners last over 3 hours much to the grumblings of our youngest ones who wonder how we can talk for so long. LOL. Cherished times indeed!
Our home was built in 1899. We are the third owners, buying it in 1989. Our dining room was originally the Sunday parlor. The owners before us bought the house in the 1940’s. They reversed the staircase and opened up the parlor, making it into the dining room, open to the living room. The original dining room was turned into a bedroom. We keep our dining room table set with placemats and napkins. It is an integral part of our lives, as well as our living space. I was raised in a two-bedroom, one bath brick house my parents built in the early 1950’s. Half of the house was a formal living room and dining room. We only ate in the room during the holidays. We crammed into the kitchen to eat at a table that took up half the room. I have fond memories, but I swore that when I had my own home, we would have a dining room and living room that we would use everyday. Every square foot of this house is dedicated to living out our best lives within these four walls.
Isn’t a dining room a state of mind more than anything? We renovated our home just about ten years ago…totally gutted it’s 1930’s-self. The “great room” (30’x30’) houses the kitchen with an island, dining room table, and two separate sitting areas. We gather around the table and talk, (no tv on—a no-no growing up) we linger at the table sipping wine with more conversation, maybe some background music, no phones. After all, everyone always ended up in the kitchen when company was over! So this way, they can be “in the kitchen” without being in the way! 😂
Thanks Susan. It's true. It is the people who make the space and the spirit they bring to gathering.
Yes, kindred spirits.
We had an unfunctional kitchen with an eat in area not large enough for the 5 of us, and a tight dining room. I did open the wall up but because of way the ceiling was (goes from 10 feet down to 8) the dining room is still a distinct space. This enabled us to put in a table that more comfortably fit all of us, make the kitchen more functional and have an island with bar stools. What I didn’t like most about having the kitchen cut off was either I’d be cut off from the activity or everyone would gather in my small unfuntional space to talk while I cooked, making it even harder to use. It was hard to even have my kids involved and learning to cook with me… now if we have guests or it’s just us, I can cook alone or with others, still be involved in the conversation and then all sit down to the large enough table together… I do value the dining table and socializing around food. The previous design made both unsuccessful, the right design made both more enjoyable
It sounds like you made the perfect choice Emily. And made it more of a dining room feeling in ways that better used the space. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.
This article touched me. As an OG GenXer memories of the people who are gone now can be conjured by thinking about the dining tables around which we gathered. Especially at parents’ house, my aunts house and my grandparents’. Not all the memories are great - I was the kid who spilled gravy on aunt Dottie’s lace tablecloth - but it brings all of them back to life when I visualize those tables.
Thanks for helping me remember.
I grew up in a house that did not have a dining room. Christmas dinner was in our basement where we had a pull out dining table. The big deal was if you were at the “kids’ table” or not.
After marriage , we had a townhouse and then a standard house. Both had dining rooms. They got use 1-2 times a year. A waste of space.
Our current house had a dining room and formal living room. Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas, they get no traffic.
Our new house has a combo kitchen/dining room area. Much more practical!
The bigger question is less about the room and when do you get with others. We’ve started organizing evening outs to restaurants for neighborhood couples. Lots of fun.