Why Am I Doing This?

A question I’ve been contemplating

A few weeks ago, I got an unusual email. At least for me. It was an invitation to be on a podcast. 

I’ve been on panels and spoken behind podiums. But a podcast? I’ve listened to many. I’ve helped book others on them, but this was my first as a featured guest.

Apparently, a couple of pieces I had written for Through the Fog had piqued the interest of Corey Nathan, host of “Talkin‘ Politics & Religion Without Killin‘ Each Other.” We exchanged emails. Set a date. But when I logged on to Zoom this week to record, I didn’t know what to expect. 

I had looked at his history of impressive guests and saw many names I knew well — politicians, journalists, authors, scholars. There were a lot of “somebodies.” And even though at first I didn’t feel like I fit with others on the list, I was curious to find out what he found interesting about what I was writing and doing more generally.

Well, the episode just dropped, if you wish to hear me yammer on about my background, my views on what’s broken in politics and the media, and my love of science. I am grateful to Corey for leading me through a pretty wide-ranging conversation.  (Click on image for link)

One topic that seemed to interest him is what inspired me to launch this newsletter after spending most of my career writing with and for others. In the days since we recorded, I’ve thought a lot about this question. 

I guess I’ve always been prone to wonder why I’m doing things, as those who know me well can attest. I admit it’s not always the easiest character trait to be around. I sympathize with those who have to live with my constant ruminations.

Through the Fog grew from a series of questions that I’ve struggled with for some time: What is my voice? What do I want to say? Will people care? Where is my journey going? 

And underlying all of these other questions is that lurking “why.” 

Why am I doing this?

I cherish my years-long collaboration with Dan Rather. First and foremost was the journalism which led to writing a book then the Steady newsletter. Creating, strategizing, and building a community of hundreds of thousands of people was deeply rewarding. Talking through pieces with Dan, writing and sharing countless Google docs filled with sentences, notes, and edits, was one of the most generative experiences of my life. 

But I felt I needed to do something else. 

My passion for science filmmaking is what drives most of my professional time and energy these days. It fills the workweek with meetings and obligations, necessitates travel, and can spill into nights and weekends. It’s work, but it’s also something I love to do. 

Part of my desire to have my own newsletter was to share more of the science communication work I’m doing with others. 

I guess I hoped people would find me here and I would find out what I wanted to say. My wife asked me early on whether I considered Through the Fog a job or a hobby. It was a question asked without judgment and backed with love and support. But it challenged me to think more clearly about my goals.

Writing is certainly a form of work, and this is extra to everything else that I do in my professional and personal lives. I started without any real expectations but I have found that I enjoy sharing what’s in my head with all of you more than I anticipated. So I’m writing more than I planned. Meanwhile, my aspirations for our garden and finishing the jigsaw puzzle go unattended. So I suppose this has become one of my hobbies, and the primary one at that. (Is there such a thing as a “jobby?” Job + hobby? 🙂)

What has surprised me the most is the sense of community that has formed so quickly around this newsletter. It ranges from people I have known for years and in some cases my whole life (hi Mom and Dad), to friends and colleagues with whom I lost touch but who have refound me here, to neighbors and new friends in San Francisco, to all the people I am meeting for the first time in the comments section, emails, and on the Substack app. 

When I started Through the Fog, a large percentage of subscribers happened also to be in the contact list on my phone. Namely, the list was short and filled with people I knew well. When I wrote my first newsletters, I imagined close friends and family reading them. I would often text or call to ask what they thought. I still do that at times. But now I have a sense that there is a larger discourse. And in many ways, this has freed me to write more generally. 

I can say with certainty that this community is fueling me forward.

I will be candid. There’s a bit about writing this that strikes me as self-indulgent. At times this entire endeavor feels a bit like that as well. In the podcast, Corey asked a lot about my background. I am still trying to figure out how much of myself I share or is of interest to all of you. 

But whatever happens, I’m excited to see what is yet to come. 

Thanks again for making this possible.